The Pandemic & Dementia

My Dear Randy,

I miss you so much. 

I miss our hugs, our eskimo kisses, walking the halls hand in hand and snuggling in bed. 

I am missing your best days, because today is your best day. And tomorrow you will have declined a bit more, and then that will be your best day... till the next day. 

That makes me so sad, cuz I don't want to miss a single best day. Each day holds memories I am missing. Will I ever be able to hold your face in my hands... to message your neck, back and head... to look deep into your blue eyes? 

I am thankful for our porch visits each week. We sit 6 feet across from each other. You are the only one in the facility that wears a mask the entire visit. You seem to stare deep into my soul. And I know you know me. I know you love me. 

Your Sugar

Last week I had our large tree in our front yard trimmed. I hired a reputable company... and it did not go well. The work was done poorly. And I was treated poorly. I felt so vulnerable, so unprotected, so alone. When I visited Randy two days later, I started crying the moment I saw him and cried throughout the visit. Thankfully my mask absorbed the flow of tears. You see Randy did everything for our home. We never hired out. He could do plumbing, electrical, tree trimming, landscaping, shingle our roof, paint our house, remodel, lay tile, you name it. So for me to have total strangers do what Randy always did and to have it go so wrong, was devastating. I miss my partner, my protector, my husband. Another layer of loss to grieve. 

This pandemic has been brutal for those of us with loved ones in care facilities. This can't go on indefinitely. Yes, his facility has not had one Covid case yet. I am forever grateful. But this can't be how these residents live out their last days.