Thank you Emma Willis. You are an answer to our prayers.
While I am so sad that Bruce Willis has Frontotemporal dementia, I knew his diagnosis would bring worldwide awareness to FTD.
And now Emma's book The Unexpected Journey is going to have a profound impact on the lives of dementia caregivers around the world.
~ There are more than 11 million unpaid caregivers for those with dementia in the United States.~ Rosalynn Carter’s famous quote ~ There are only four kinds of people in the world ~ those that have been caregivers, those that are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.
~ 40 percent of dementia caregivers die before the ones they are caring for. It isn’t a disease or accident that takes these caregivers, but rather the sheer physical, mental and emotional toll of caring for someone with dementia.
Let me share a couple stories ~
- 20+ years ago, my husband and I were sitting around a table with friends at a backyard wedding reception. Everyone was asking Rick about his wife, who we could see surrounded by friends, celebrating the recent news that her cancer was in remission.
- Then one of Rick's friends asked him, "Rick, how are YOU doing?" Rick immediately started crying. No one had ever asked him that before.
- At that moment he felt seen, supported and safe to share his story as a caregiver.
- I will never forget what happened next. I heard a voice in my mind clearly say "Linda, remember what you just witnessed. Don't forget to ask the caregiver how they are doing." And I haven't. I always ask.
- I also will never forget going to church soon after I had placed Randy in a memory care facility. Two dear women came up to me, expressing compassion for me, asking me how I was doing. I affirmed them by thanking them for asking me how I was doing.
- But one of them was crying and kept apologizing for the tears. I told her, "No, do not feel bad for crying, because at this moment, YOU are carrying the weight of my grief. I am not alone in feeling the full impact of my sorrow, because you have entered into my heartache". And you know what, I wasn't crying like I usually am... because she was even carrying my tears.
- Caregiving is lonely. Isolating. We don't know how to ask for help.
- So show up. Ask them how they are doing. Listen to their stories. Share the weight of their grief. Let them see your tears. Pray with them.
- And bring them a loaf of sourdough bread. 😊
- Love that I got to be Randy's caregiver (August 2016)