July brings to mind a few bittersweet milestones.
My husband was placed in a memory care facility 8 years ago. (2018)
My husband's book A Believer's Journey was published 2 years ago. (2024)
My husband's brand new website was launched 1 year ago. (2025)
Randy was diagnosed with Frontotemporal dementia (FTD) in 2014, although I sensed that he was not himself as early as 2010. Thank God he wrote a book just before he was diagnosed. And so thankful his legacy lives on through his book, his music and website.
Randy's website is loaded with his music info, sample songs, lyrics to 90+ songs off his 8 CDs, his book info and so much more. I recently lowered the price of his book on Amazon.
Randy has been on Hospice for 2 1/2 years and was recently discharged. Medicare is really cracking down and now requiring they be actively dying to be on Hospice. That was a huge blow. I feared the lack of extra care. But so thankful palliative care is on board.
Randy is now in a wheelchair. I can't begin to tell you how hard that has been for me. Walking was his favorite thing to do. In fact his only thing. He rarely participated in activities. He rarely interacted with others before he stopped talking in 2020. But he walked. All. Day.
Randy is still very healthy. He would have lived a very long life if not for dementia. He has actually outlived the 2-8 years life expectancy after symptom onset. At 72, Randy is now in his 16th year. Although I would miss him terribly, I want him to be with Jesus so bad. But only He knows the number of Randy's days. I am just so thankful he is peaceful, and not suffering.
I wish I could say the same. I have struggled to fully trust God these past 16 years. I actually did real well the first several years. But this long goodbye is taking a toll on my mental health. My friend recently pointed out that I have been in a very long trial. I was stunned, as I've always thought of a trial as being short-lived... not a 16 year trial.
"Trials are difficult life circumstances, tests of faith, and periods of suffering designed by God to build spiritual maturity, character, and endurance."
As the years have gone by, I have grown so weary and tired... and sadly I've failed the testing of my faith. I want the trial to be over. But then there would be others. So I lay in bed every morning and cry out to God for peace, strength and total dependency on Him.
Do not fear the road ahead, for God walks with you, His hand will guide you, and his grace will sustain you through every trial. Deuteronomy 31:6
In the midst of it all, I have so many blessings!
- my caregiver support group ~ Makers of Care
- pickleball with new friends
- phone calls with my siblings
- my dear elderly clients ages 89 and 100
- Randy's wonderful caregivers
- zoom calls w/ dear high school friends
- 2001 TV show- Doc on Tubi- so good!
- my new FTD friend from Minneapolis
- and my amazing grandkids
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